Swordfish!

One thing I like about K is that she is complex without being complicated. She has doors that aren't always open, and rooms not fully explored. She can be as mysterious as a darkened attic, and as bright as opened French doors. And it's all done with with a tasteful decor that's original and intriguing, yet not pretentious and overbearing. Also, even in the open spaces, there's always a nook or cranny or corner that can yield surprising results upon closer look. It's a great place to visit and feel at home.

She is like those houses she loves, which I love, too.

Hungry Like El Lobo

I woke up today at my set time, which was really good. My family was caught up in other stuff - S was falling asleep on the sofa. And K was talking on the phone with her mother. That's another story, and a really exciting one, methinks. But this story is about when I went to grab the computer, K quickly took it and changed the page that had been on the screen. Then she turned it over to me without saying a word. I knew the World Cup scores were on that page, and I was about to take a look at them. I thought perhaps K was trying to keep me from seeing them, so that I could not have any replay viewing spoiled, and later, that's exactly what she told me she was doing.

She's just been really attentive lately. Trying to make sure I get in some World Cup watching, or even paying attention to my silly monster game. Or suggesting she and I swap cars to make my trip up to PDX more comfortable. Or really trying to help me come up with a solution to money issues. Lots of things, but the World Cup stuff really helps it all stand out. She's not sooo different that I think it's a new K, maybe it's just me who's noticing her. I bet that's it. Whatever it is, I like the connection, and I like the attention and the consideration. I like that it's all happening during such a potentially stressful time - a hot house, the middle of reorganizing a whole bunch of stuff, etc. It's just really cool to feel tuned in and moving in the right direction.

Oh shit, I know what else! That flipping Duran Duran tv show! I do not believe for a minute that she was remotely interested in watching that, and I know it got a bit tedious for her at times. But what a great sport she was about it. To find it, and stick around to watch it with me. Oh, and Nick's her favorite - smart girl.

That seriously makes me feel special. And makes me want to return that feeling to her.

Clang! Clang!! CLANG!!!

Ms K and I completed a very important project this weekend - the conversion of the Spider Room into a much more welcoming storage space. Long after the drywall had been hung, we finally primed and painted the room, as well as bought and constructed new storage shelves. Ms K's comment about how the new organization reminder her of her Playmobil grocery stroe is not far off the mark. Our mutual desire for clean and orderly has been fulfilled in our work on this room, and I can't express enough how fun it was to do it with Ms K. Working side by side with her on something like this was fantastic. Sure, there were early mornings and late afternoons, and there was a lot of work to do, and we weren't each always at our best at the same time. I certainly was a bit grumpy and tired Monday afternoon, but Ms K really helped me keep my morale intact, while pushing hard to finish the job.

And of course, there's a new crop of inside jokes for us, such as the one about building a submarine at 0830 in the morning. We were tired at the end (and Ms K even started hauling boxes from the attic after I passed out!), but the effort was well worth it - the Spider Room and the garage look great! The car is back where it belongs, with room to spare. We spent a very satisfying weekend together working on improving our home, and indirectly, our relationship. It's a very encouraging result that I hope keeps us on track for completing our goals. Go Team KDS!!!

Curry Chicken and Zucchini, Macaroni and Cheese, Apple Turnovers, Cookies, Lemonade, Chicken Pot Pie, Ziti, Peach Cobbler, Gougeres, Peanut Noodle Salad, Chicken Livers, All that Bread, French Toast, Pancakes, Devilled Eggs, Lemon Squares, Chicken Noodle, Casserole, Black Bean Stew, Shrimp Salad, The Best Cornbread I've Ever Had, Biscuits and Gravy, Baked Salmon, Pan Roasted Asparagus, Creamy Mashed Potatoes...

I told Ms K the other day how much I appreciated the effort she puts into preparing food for the family. And how we are all being treated to something very extraordinary, even though it may seem run of the mill to us. She is just a very good cook, and she will say that she just prepares herself very well, but even that is a blessing for us, and more than I think most families get. It's a very important job, and she simply excels at it. It's the reason why Miss S and I continue to do well in our work and in life. It's the reason why we are healthy and happy. A solid, balanced, nutritious diet supports us every day. And behind those meals is a dedicated and generous mother.

Cranky Bugs

I've been having a few good days and a few low days. It's unpredictable to me how each day will go. Some days, like today, I wake up slow and lethargic. And not in too good a mood, having missed time that I need to get things done. Now it just piles up, those things I need to do, but don't get around to. And then I get to work and I'm so tired I just want to sleep a moment in my truck. And I feel weak and untogether and so so disappointed in myself. And then I may start to feel unappreciated for all the hard work that I do accomplish, and that I can't even respect what I've done in light of everything that I'm failing at. And this is hard, because I start to feel really alone, and I start losing sight of what my real goal is, which is to connect with Ms K. But I feel so far away from her at times, I feel rejected and unattractive, and given such little regard. We need faith, hope and love. Days like this do not help.

It's disheartening but also distracting. I need to focus, and not get caught up in traps and obstacles. I don't underestimate how important my efforts are to hold together my relationship with Ms K. There's a palpable air of discomfort when we get too close, and I want to shut that down. There's a wall she has put up to protect herself from me, and I need to help her take it down.

I need to get more "you're welcome" and less "uh-huh".

It's never over, until it is. And it isn't now, so it's not. And I won't act like it is. Ms K is an amazing person, beautiful, smart and strong. She seems to like me a bit, and sees good quailties in me, that I'm a good provider and protector at least. So don't stop now, D - it's time to go and get it.

She Bangs the Drums

Ms. K's birthday week is upon us, and I think I'm doing a good job at helping her feel happy and celebrated. Birthdays for us are more than just a one-day affair, and we consider them sacred days. Ms. K's birthday did not start particularly well - she woke up late and grumpy. My cheerful attitude was no anitote to her foul mood, but I sat with her, and allowed myself to be at here disposal as she wished. I made a trip for breakfast coffee, and then when she got up to get ready to go meet Miss S, I retired to bed, hoping the afternoon would be more pleasant for her. I figured it would improve, since presents were to be involved.

And indeed it was. A day later, and she is still raving about how her wonderful birthday, and thanking Miss S and me for our thoughtful gifts, which she is putting to great use. The drum, and the pad, and the stands, and the books are all getting used. S and I really seemed to have hit a home run on presents. And I was able to see Ms. K off to sleep that evening as I hoped I would, with a nice footrub included.

So it appears that the first two events of the Ms. K Triple Crown have been passed with flying colors. This has really been an "all hands on deck" kind of week, with the upcoming party, and the WholeMatser construction, and S's last week of school, and K's birthday in the middle of the week. It's no wonder I slept for so long yesterday, but I feel invigorated, and ready to continue celebrating the birthday week of my lovely wife.

Whirlwind!

This is a crazy week. A lot better than last, for sure. I feel really good with K, and perhaps there's a correlation between how busy I am and how well she's feeling around me. Or maybe it's not just busy, but productive.

It's been a very K-centric week, even though I've done little of my normal foot rubs and Dari-Mart runs. When she opened up to me about her experience at work early in the week (about her talk with the director), it just brought me out of my funk of despair. And it's been rolling since - I've been running around town and the internet, securing her b-day presents. Lots of b-day planning. Getting Miss S where she needs to be in the morning and afternoon, and helping keep the keep the house neat and orderly. Lots of stuff. Capped yesterday with Ms. K tagging along to the Hult Center, and us winding up spending some time together at the mall. Lots of smiles from me.

She's such a big influence on my mood. She's like my moon. And my sun.