It's been a couple of interesting and exciting weeks around the household, and with Ms. K. She and I have spent a lot of time hanging out together around the house. Mostly, it involves the two of us playing cribbage, which is good, because it usually includes conversation and laughter. We did get out to play tennis, with E-beth and Miss S, which was fantastic - I hope to do more of that with K very soon.
And a lot of stuff going on with K and her job. I've tried to be as supportive and listenable as possible, because I think K values being able to talk to someone about her life. And I want to be that first go-to person. She's such an amazing person, with a straight head on her shoulders, and a take-no-guff attitude.
Yet, there are times when she feels vulnerable. And that's where I really want to fit into her life - as the person who will comfort and hold her no matter what. Who will know her fears and what makes her uncomfortable, and be there for her with support and understanding no matter how trivial these fears may be.
Because I love her. Because she put a spark in me a long time ago, that still burns. There's something about her that I connect with, something about our personalities that may clash sometimes - but they connect in ways I've never felt before. Or it's just my fondness of her overrides my my natural inclination to be bored with other people. Usually I try to get away from people. And don't get me wrong, I love my loneliness, but with K, I'm not trying to get away. I'm trying to draw her attention. I guess she's just very good at keeping me wanting more.
So, I'd normally dread going out to some random family's house for dinner. But, since I'll be with K, it's fine. I feel completely comfortable with her by my side. Not like I have to show her off, or not like I'm afraid to leave her side, or not like I'll look forward to talking to other people who aren't her. But just the comfort of knowing that I can float around this party, but come attach myself to her any time I need to. And she'll let me in. As far as parties go, I think she feels the same way.
Anyway, maybe from the world she only deserves a fair shake, but from me, it's not about what she deserves. Or maybe it is, it's just that I think she deserves more from me than from anyone else. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who paid attention to your wants, who was there to fulfill every whim, who anticipated your desires?
Well, I'm not perfect at it, but I'll keep my pecker up.
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