This Charming Man

Dear Diary,

Today was really a low day for me. I just hope that we can reach the next high point without losing too much. It had a couple really good times. Especially when Ms. K came to me with such enthusiasm about what she learned in Office 2007. I savor moments like those so much. But it later turned sour, and I reverted to old, stammering, sad-eyed, sorry, sorry David. My entreaties were met with silence and a blank stare. As they probaby should have been.

My mind is filled with worries, and things to do, and things I don't do, and time, and money. And sometimes I'm just tired, and it's all a fog, and I can't think straight. And I need to think straight, every moment. My relationship with Ms. K is so fragile, that at any second it can fall to pieces. Yet, I know it's just as easy to keep it strong and make it strong. I know how much love and admiration I have for Ms. K. It just requires more organization. More effort and forethought.

I suppose under other circumstances, I should cut myself a break. But I can't. She's not worth taking any chances on. And yet I do. Because I just get tired. And I'm worried. And then I get focused on taking a break. And then things get dropped. For all the work and everything that I do, I'm such a lazy person. And Ms. K knows it. She's knows my darkest secret, and that's why she's so disatisfied with me, while everyone else thinks I'm super stellar at everything. It hurts me to hear myself being called 'spouse-of-the-year', because I know how untrue it is. I guess on paper, all my output is good-looking. But it's just symptoms and things and chores that people see me attending to.

Where I want to be, and where my wife wants to be, is a much more difficult path. Or yet it seems to be. I suspect that it's rather simple. But it requires attention. And not short-term, but an actual dedicated investment.

Like a garden. Ms. K is my garden. I want to watch her grow, and be rich and bountiful. And happy and warm. I want to sustain her, and have her sustain me.

I can't imagine a better place to spend my time.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program...

xxoo David